However, we don't have much money right now, so I don't want Deb to spend anything on me for my birthday. There's nothing I need or even really want stuff-wise, if you know what I mean.

Back when I quit smoking three years ago, my reward was sex every day for a month once I had quit for six months. That was the greatest reward ever, and it really helped me make it through the bad days of cravings. That and the nicotine gum and nicotrol inhaler, to give those products their due. I was supposed to get another month of sex one year after I quit smoking. Well, we've talked about it, but it's three years later and that's never happened. So I said that I would like a month of sex every day for my 40th birthday. Sara suggested that it should be 40 days of sex, one for every year.

Wow. That would be great. Sara was all for it. Deb seemed tolerant and supportive of the idea. Three was eager to help out as much as she could, so it looked like a go.

Then Sara started having her hormones sort of either in on or off mode and I wasn't sure she'd be up to it. And Three got a job that would start right after the one she finishes today, and it's likely she'll have 12-hour work days five days a week. In my perfect world, that would be okay and I could just see her on Saturdays, but Sara wants me to be available to her on Saturdays in case she doesn't need to sleep all day and feels like playing. As a compromise, I told her I would alternate Saturdays between her and Three. I made a deal with Sara last month so that Three could have three Saturdays in a row because of her work schedule. In exchange, I had to take Sara to dinner or a movie. I paid that off on Monday by taking her to see "Batman Begins" (good flick). That cost $38, and Three ended up having to work on the third Saturday after all. So, with Three's kind of unknown new schedule, which is likely to be a grind, I don't know how often I'll get to see her for the next couple of months. The sleepover is still on though (yay!).

I told Sara I didn't think the 40 days of sex was going to happen, and she told me that she's been counting on it and looking forward to it, and that she was totally up for it. So I sort of got my hopes up again. Deb told me I had to ask Jake if she was willing to loan out Sara that much. I asked Sara if I should talk to Jake about that or if it would be better coming from her. She said she would talk to Jake. I don't know if she ever did.

So anyway, yesterday I had a date with Three, which was very nice, though there was a big storm and the power went out soon after I got there, so much of it was without a fan or air conditioning. We had a great time and I came hard and I realized it was the first day of July, my first day of 40 Days of Sex. A good start.

This morning I was talking about weekend plans with Deb. I asked if I could go to see a movie with Three on Monday while Deb is at work, and maybe go to her house a couple hours early so that I could have that day's sex. And I figured I could play with Sara today and Sunday.

And that's when Deb broke it to me that she found the whole 40 Days of Sex idea annoying, especially if it interfered with her schedule. She wanted to have a lazy morning around the house with me on Monday, and she figured we could still do that, but she doesn't like having to fit in with plans that I have with Three later. So I asked her if she meant that she expected me to accommodate her schedule and desires by only making plans while she was at work or otherwise occupied, but it was not acceptable to expect her to do anything that would be more convenient for my schedule or Three's availability. She said yes.

About then, Sara called to let me know that she's had two nights of very little sleep in a row and needed to sleep all day today, so she wouldn't be able to have sex today. Unless she woke up and couldn't go back to sleep, so I could stand by for that unlikelyhood.

Back to Deb, who next told me I've been very insensitive by talking to her about how amazing I feel getting to have physical pleasure like I'm experiencing with Three and describing it as if I haven't had sex in years (if you want to talk occasions when someone has fucked me rather than me fucking them, it's been about 0-2 times a year for the last 8 years probably) because it devalues the sex that I've been having with her and Sara all these years. She said she knows I don't mean for it to sound like that, but that's how it feels. By the way, I don't talk to Sara about those feelings, because she's made it clear that she doesn't want to know about what I do with Three. But Deb told me it was okay to talk about. So when I told Deb in response, "Okay, I'll shut up about it," then she said I was being frustrating because I was so intimidated by her outspokenness. At that point I just wanted to stop talking to her about it. And I was crying and sort of sad. She was telling me that we didn't have to cancel the 40 Days of Sex necessarily. That she just doesn't understand why sex is so important to me and that it's annoying to have to deal with me trying to schedule time for sex every day.

I tried to explain that I didn't think she understood how it felt for me to rediscover that I can experience that sort of physical pleasure, what it's like to have someone who wants to touch me. How frustrating it has been to me over the years to have to ask her or Sara to touch me in a pleasing way. To have to ask for a kiss on the neck, or a caress, and to I tell them how much I like those things but never have it done again without having to ask for it.

She said she got that, but that I shouldn't devalue all the sex I've been having.

To answer my friend Grouse's question in my last comments section, no, I won't be sharing the techniques that my Coach and I discovered that lead me to have multiple orgasms. Sara and Deb don't want to know.

I asked Sara if she would be interested in fucking me on occasion and learning how to bring me to orgasm. She said no. It would alter how she sees me sexually too much for her to fuck me.

Deb asked if I wanted her to fuck me a while back, and I said yes. She started to play with me, but she was right on my clit, using firm pressure, which doesn't do it for me -- it's too much -- I need a light touch that's next to the clit, not on it. When I put my hand over hers to show her what felt good to me, it frustrated and annoyed her, which pretty much took all of the being turned on out of the equation for me. Deb wanted to do it the way she thought it ought to be done, not the way that actually feels good to me. Frankly, she doesn't really have the patience for the foreplay that it takes to get me ready to come.

The message has always been clear to me that she or Sara would reciprocate in certain ways out of obligation, on request, but neither one of them wants to fuck me or perform actual oral sex on my female genitalia (as opposed to my removable dick). It isn't ideal, but I learned to live with it and enjoy what I have. Three doesn't understand how they could not want to do those things to me. I tell her that they're just not into it. It's been so amazing to be with someone who wants to fuck me, who thinks I'm sexy and desirable, who loves what I can do to her body and who wants to make me feel just as good. But I can only see her when it's okay with everyone else's schedule and not during the times when Sara or Deb might want me to be around in case they decide they want to spend time with me. And I can't make plans with Three after Sara has said she doesn't want to do anything with me on a day like today either because that makes her feel like I've just got Three waiting in the wings to replace her whenever she doesn't want to do something with me.

So that's about all my gripes. I know, poor pitiful me needs to shut the fuck up. I'm a very lucky woman. I love my wife and my girlfriend and my special friend. I'm not going to get what I wanted for my birthday, but I'll get to have some dates, and a sleepover, and I'm taking a week off from work and that will be cool. Maybe I'll start painting the house. It needs it bad.

Moving on - 12:11 p.m. , 2007-08-14

Where the hell have I been? - 12:10 p.m. , 2007-02-19

Holy shit! - 2:24 p.m. , 2006-01-11

Stuffing recipe - 6:17 p.m. , 2005-12-13

Good Life Update - 10:22 a.m. , 2005-11-11