I have some questions about strap-ons for ya! My girlfriend (well, we actually are just friends who kiss and flirt) has been telling me to get her a strap-on for her b-day�to use on me, of course. And I want to use it on her. Well, it's been a joking matter, but we talk about it so much that I think there's some real desire behind it. That's a whole 'nuther issue! But, I was just curious about strap-ons themselves.

Badsnake: Woo-hoo! What a great topic, and boy do I have advice. Whee! I'm going to have fun with this.

Reader: We read an article in Hustler about a girl that believed she had penis envy. OF COURSE she ended up fucking her school counselor, who just HAPPENED to have a strap-on in her desk (don't you love those realistic stories?), and it made us both a little horny despite its cheesiness.

Badsnake: Doesn't it feel weird when cheesey stuff makes you horny? I mean, I appreciate the benefits, but I still say to myself, "Geez, how could such bad porn make me so hot?"

Reader: What kind of material is suggested? What size is good? And are they adjustable? Since both my gf and I are a few sizes different in the lower region, and we both want to "try it out", we'll need one that will fit both of us.

Badsnake: Silicone is generally the medium of choice these days for dildos. You can try out one of the new Cyberskin (realistic feel) models, but I think they require more care and I don�t have any personal experience with that type. You'll also need to think about your preference between realistic (looks like a real dick and sometimes has balls attached) and nonrealistic style dildos. A lot of lesbians go for the nonrealistic variety, but the kind with balls are really good for use with just a pair of jeans when you don�t have/want a harness. You can thread the dick through your fly (balls inside, dick part outside�duh), tug the zipper up snugly to hold it in place, and it stays put pretty well. This probably works even better with button-fly jeans.

I've never seen a dildo that is adjustable, which sucks. I've always thought an inflation option (like those athletic shoes you can pump up) would be a great idea for dildos.

Reader: I meant was the harness adjustable, not the dildo size.

Badsnake: Oh. Too bad. Because a size-adjusting dick would be really fly.

Okay, when you're talking strap-ons, you're talking two different things (sold separately): the dick and the harness.

Most harnesses are adjustable or stretchable. Reputable sellers will offer waist-size equivalents for the ones that come in sizes. They come in nylon, leather, rubber, and probably other stuff. Really it�s up to you which material you pick. I highly recommend the kind that have jock-strap type straps that wrap through the crotch, around the bottom of your ass cheeks and back up to the waistband instead of one strap that flosses your ass crack. Can you say chafing in bad places?

One of the biggest drawbacks during the action for me is when my partner�s ultra-strong vaginal muscles force the cock right out when she's really locking down on me and ready to come. She�s asking for "harder, deeper" and I can�t get it back in because the stupid fucker slid halfway out of the cock ring. Get a harness that has something behind the cock ring to hold the dick in place. I had to make a makeshift leather panel to go with mine, and it's not always perfect. I also recommend a harness that has a cock ring that rides high up on your abdomen. Some are right at clit level and the dick practically dangles between your legs, so when you're fucking, there's no portion of your body backing it up. Bad. You want the cock to be sticking out at a 90 degree angle from your body somewhere above your mons.

I suggest playing around with a dildo before you invest in a harness. If you buy both and then decide the feel of a dildo isn�t all that, you�ve wasted more green than you have to.

Now let�s talk dildos. What size, what color, what texture.

Reader: I prefer girth over length, though I prefer one finger over any more (well, that's guys, and it just seems like they don't know what they are doing when they put one finger in there, much less two!)

Badsnake: Dumb bastards. I should start a school.

I recommend a longish version of whatever girth you two can decide on. You can deal with one a little too long. Too short can be frustrating. It�s like buying your first motorcycle without a big enough engine. You�ll want to upsize after your first ride. And used dildos don�t sell as well as used motorcycles. I also recommend a dildo that has a good upward curve to it, better for g-spot stimulation.

Reader: What is the best way to use it? I mean, I know you put it on and "go at it", but we aren't guys and don't have that instinctual humping that they are always doing. Tell me your secrets!!!

Badsnake: Practice, practice, practice. You will definitely feel stupid with a big piece of silicone flopping around strapped to your nether regions. You just have to try different positions to find what�s most comfortable for both of you and get down with your humpy rhythm. Instinct. Shyeah, right. It�ll come. Expect some thigh and butt muscle soreness (depending on how long you go at it and how ergonomically positioned you are). If your partner is enjoying it and responding well, you will find inner reserves of strength and endurance to keep going. Try pretending to come inside her. I know somebody who really likes that.

Now, you can avoid the humping issue by having the receptive partner be on top, but be advised that the cock can penetrate deeper in this position and pain may occur if you're not careful. The person on top gets to regulate the depth of penetration for the most part; just don't thrust up from the bottom too much unless you're certain of her limitations.

Reader: I AM getting a vibrator for my birthday from a different friend. (We are all very good to each other!) Can that double as a dildo?

Badsnake: It depends on the kind of vibrator. The packaging should say (if it�s phallic, you probably can). Most vibrator dildos don't have a flange (the wide, flared part at the bottom), though, so you can't use it with a harness and DO NOT use anything without a good, wide flange for assplay. Be careful not to use any kind of vibrating dildo in the tub or shower unless it�s specifically designed for that kind of environment.

Reader: I'm pretty sure my gf and I want a dildo with a harness. We honestly want to feel like we have a penis.

Badsnake: Okay, the sad truth: It probably won't feel as good wearing it as you want it to. There aren't any nerve endings in a dildo, harnesses are uncomfortable, and it will still feel like a big hunk of dead rubber when you hold it. BUT, the best dick is the one you have in your head. That's where you can make it yours. I can make fucking with my hands feel like fucking with a cock because of the dick in my head. It's all in the attitude, baby.

Reader: I'm not exactly poor, per se, but I can't spend a whole bunch of money on this.

Badsnake: Yeah, good fake dick doesn�t come cheap. Expect to pay $50 or more just for a well-hung, good quality dildo. But they'll last forever if you don't leave them in the sun on the dashboard of your car. Decent nylon harnesses can be had in the $20 range, but invest in the Terra Firma from Good Vibrations ($48 in leather, $32 in fabric) if you can. Excellent design, and a staff favorite. ("Staff". Get it? Staff favorite. Heh, heh.) I have a leather harness that cost me 95 bucks and looks about as cool as a harness can look, but I wish I had bought the Terra Firma.

Reader: I'm thinking silicone, so we don't have to worry with condoms, just with cleaning. What kind of lube works best? Do you need it with silicone? We're both young and virile, hehe, so we don't have a problem with working up our own personal lubrication.

Badsnake: Show offs. I don't have lube preferences other than "not smelly" and water-based. None of it tastes good, and it all gets sticky and gross eventually. I keep a "travel pack" of Wet Ones near the bed to clean my hands (and her) off with after we've used lube. Right now the brands we're using are Wet and Astroglide. I like KY in a tube (less runny), too, but Deb doesn't.

There�s a fair chance that you can get along without lube. Try it first without, but be sure to smear the au naturale love juice all around the outer vaginal lips. Unlubed silicone will catch a dry spot and start pulling the lips inside the vagina with it. You can also just hold her open as you go inside.

Be sure to thoroughly talk with your sex partner about safety issues around sharing a dildo before you rule out condoms. And DO use a condom (and lots and lots of lube) if you ever use your dildo for anal sex.

Reader: Do we need to worry about thrusting hurting?

Badsnake: Go slow at first and see what your limits are, though you or she may want, and be able to take, more once things get really hot. Because the silicone is pliable and bendy, I don't think you can do any real damage. Soreness yes. I often find a little dab of blood on the condom after a vigorous fuck, but the receptive partner doesn't seem to be phased by it. Just keep the communication lines open. You can use safe words if you don't want to disrupt the action too much. Yellow means ease off. Red means stop. Or pick your own words and meanings.

If you have the luxury of multiple opportunities, I suggest your first session with the strap-on dildo be playful and open to much talking and trying out new things without anyone trying to be ultra-sexy stud momma the whole time. You're probably gonna laugh. It's okay. It takes a while to get used to. Ultimately, I'm betting you'll have a lot of fun. And that's what it's all about, right?

Thanks for the questions. And if you want to try your new strap-on on your boyfriend some time, that's a possibility too. There�s a great video called "Bend Over Boyfriend" (http://www.salon.com/col/brig/1998/05/nc_22brig2.html) that's all instructional. But that�s a whole �nother topic, too.

Love, Bad

Resources:
Good Vibrations, Rancho Lesbiano�s toy store of choice. They also have excellent instruction, advice and articles.
Toys In Babeland
Susie Bright

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