I mean, even in fantasy rape scenarios that Sara and I do (sorry to anyone squicked out by that, but we do), I never try to have her go down on me because it's too unbelievable. She'd bite me in two in a heartbeat.

But what makes the unnamed Chicago woman a true hero is that she turned the guy's nuts over to the cops. Can you imagine? I don't know if he was somehow able to walk away from this or if she ran away, but at some point she'd have to spit said testicles into her hand and think, "I'd better save these as evidence". I want to know what she did with them inbetween the time of the attack and when she went to police headquarters. Ziploc baggie? Brown paper bag? Tupperware? What would your choice for severed nut storage be?

And the cops who received the jewels. What a story for the rest of your career. "So this lady walks in, and she's not looking too good, looks like she just swallowed a bug, ya know? And she hands the desk sergeant this brown paper bag that's all wet with blood on the bottom. He takes one look and just turns white as a freakin' ghost, then he hands it to me. I looked in the bag and thought it was some sort of freaking dead mutant rat with long curly hair ..."

The would-be rapist showed up at the hospital later. Doctors were unable to reattach his balls. Good. I hope the Chicago woman stabbed them with a fork a few times before she turned them over.

Saaaaaaaalute! (You have to have been a "Hee-Haw" watcher to get this.)

Someone from Saudi Arabia searching for "bare ass pics" found my diary and apparently stuck around for the scintillating prose since I don't have any actual pictures of bare asses in here. I'm not sure how that makes me feel. On the one hand, my head is full of all the female oppression stereotypes that we have of life in Saudi Arabia. On the other hand, life for somebody with even the mildest randy inclinations has to be tough in such a sexually repressed environment. (If it is, indeed, so�what do I know? I've never been there.) And I don't know if the searcher is male or female. Could be a woman looking for pictures of Brad Pitt's butt (that'll get me some more Google hits).

So, Saudi Arabia resident, if you're reading this current entry, drop me a line and say hi. I don't bite (or at least not as hard as SOME people�see above).

My sweetie finally comes home today. In about four-and-a-half hours. Cross your fingers that the storms hold off until then. Or that they come and go. It'll be so good to have her home again.

The girls are coming over for our traditional breakfast (skipped last weekend). I wonder if we've got bacon in the freezer. We should start celebrating now.

P.S. Dear Tiffany, If you run across the entry where I made fun of your name ... no hard feelings, huh? I was just being a smartass. And, well, I write whatever comes out. The only censoring that gets done here is of information that will result in me being cut off from sex if I reveal it.