THE FOLLOWING PORTION OF THIS ENTRY IS ADULT IN NATURE AND EXPLICIT. IT'S ALSO JUST MY VERSION OF EVENTS AND FULL OF SOME PRETTY PERSONAL STUFF. Deb should not read this. I'd rather Jake and Sara didn't read it, but I don't think it's fair to ask them not to. So I'll just suggest it. I'd rather that the folks out there who I might meet face-to-face one day didn't read it. In fact, if I had an OriginalCyn type of secret diary, I would put this in there. Honestly, it's not going to be that racy, it just feels really, really personal.

We went out to eat at the local pizza place before the big date last night. I liked the pizza much better this time. Maybe their sauce is getting better. Not as sweet.

Then we headed for home and split up to get ready. I smoked a cigarette, had a drink, changed into my harness and dick, boxer briefs, old jeans, SWAT boots, grey wifebeater undershirt, and my chaps. Then I went out on the back porch to smoke another cigarette and wait.

The girls came over not long after that, dogs in tow (or in lead, actually�I'm not sure why they brought the dogs). They were carrying their clothes change with them. Jake was surprised that I was already geared up. She had thought we'd send Sara upstairs, then get dressed, but I wasn't even thinking about that.

Hmmm. I have to stop giving the play-by-play or this will take forever.

Last night didn't go exactly like I'd imagined. It was hot and sexy and sweet, but so different than what I'm used to and what I'd been fantasizing about. I think it just proves that three-way sex is not really my thing. Even though I'm not generally the one getting fucked during two-person sex, I still feel like there's a lot of attention on me. Memememe. I like that. And it's much harder to get into that sex pacing, rhythm, synch, with two people.

This is going to end up sounded a little scattered, but I'm just writing down stuff as I think about it.

See, Jake and Sara deal with each other sexually in a completely different way than Sara and I deal with each other sexually. Theirs is a much more light and casual, familiar intimacy. I'm all business (metaphorically and sometimes literally, all fangy and grrrr) when I'm with Sara. It's a special occasion for me.

I haven't been in a sexual situation with Jake in about two years, so I had no idea what this was going to be like, exactly. But, like a moron, I still tried to plan it out in my head. Jake warned me, reminded me, that she and Sara get silly and giggly in bed. They crack jokes and laugh a lot. When we talked about the date beforehand, Jake said she would try to hold back the joking impulse. And she was fairly restrained most of the time.

It seems that Sara responds one way to me and another way to Jake. Last night she was switching back and forth, and the two response modes didn't blend easily. With Jake she was all smiling and open and reaching out and loving, and then she would try to respond to my topping style the way she usually does, closing her eyes, drawing in her breath, all serious and ready for the ride.

I went in all geared up for huge intensity. Two tops, one bottom, total submission. I thought just having the two of us there together would get Sara in headspace, wide open and flying in about three minutes.

Me, with my big plans to pace myself and start slow, got yellow called on me about 15 minutes into the date. Goddammit, I wanted to kick myself in the head.

We had kissed and teased Sara, I'd whispered in her ear, we'd played with her tits and gently pinched and bit them, we'd run our hands all over her. She was alternately grinning and moaning. I told her to put her face in Jake's crotch and make her happy (Jake had on her new chaps). I got behind Sara and watched her suck off Jake�really really really hot, oh my god�and ground my hips against hers.

And then I was ready to fuck. Fuck fuck fuck now now now. This was a fantasy I'd been thinking about for a long time. Fucking Sara from behind while she went down on Jake. Ungh with a capital Ungh.

I was trying to use Hank, thinking I was just getting the angle wrong or something.

Yellow.

Sara wasn't ready yet.

Shit. Stupid, stupid, stupid. GAH! This recrimination only gets said in my head. This situation is what "yellow" is for, and you're not supposed to beat yourself up about it. I don't know why I still am. But my inner voice keeps saying "That was such a stupid mistake. What's wrong with you?" And then I tell it, "Shut up! Nobody cares except you, stupid inner voice!"

I tried to ease down my intensity level a few notches and we proceeded to have much fun from there. I really enjoyed the two of us flogging Sara together. Taking turns. One of us whispering encouragements into her ear while the other worked on her back. But her heels were sore from walking earlier in the day, so it was a short session. She did great, though, and her back was a nice toasty pink.

Things that didn't work out so well for me: I was paranoid that I might be kissing Sara too much, so I didn't kiss her as much as I wanted; when Jake's inner fag (the very queeny one) came out, just briefly, it totally fucked my headspace and that's when I gave up on it being any kind of actual "scene"; I was very restless afterward, no nice languid afterglow 'cause I didn't work hard enough, didn't even break a sweat.

Things I loved about last night: being able to watch Sara's face and her body while Jake fucked her with her hand from behind; holding Sara between us; seeing the joy in Sara's face as she got her wish; getting to be a little more intimate with Jake again; seeing Jake in her chaps for the first time; the three of us were able to meet on a different plane than the one I had been envisioning and still have fun.

It really was a wonderful evening.

I'm sorry that parts of my account are negative, but I wanted to get those out of my head. Sometimes it's easier for me to let something go if I write it down and have a little blame fest of "I shouldn't have this and I shouldn't have that and what was I thinking."

I think the part I liked best was at the end when Sara was between us, completely relaxed, worn out, and Jake and I were wrapped around her, one on each side. I know she loves that cocooned feeling, and you couldn't ask for a better butch wrap than me and Jake.

The girls went home around 10 p.m., and I stayed up reading until midnight, said goodnight to Deb's picture, and went to sleep.