The short answer can be summed up with my Jack Nicholson impersonation. Ahemahem*throatclear*koff ...

You want polyamory?! You can't HANDLE polyamory!! [end Jack]

It's my opinion that while many, many people may have a predisposition to cheat (it's exciting and fun to have lots of partners and sexual novelty, right?), very few have the level of maturity to have and uphold a healthy polyamorous relationship(s). Monogamy is hard for humans, but I'd say polyamory is harder.

For the sake of this argument, let's say that when we're talking polyamory, we mean ethical, healthy relationships�not having more than one partner but cheating, sneaking, and lying (even if just by omission) in order to have them. I'm not going to use the word polygamy, because that has a connotation of marriage, and when you do that, you're already into the hole on the ownership issue. Also, there are zillions of ways to be polyamorous, so I'm just going to talk from my own experience.

Jealousy is deeply ingrained in us, particularly in this culture. Just look at crime reports. How many ex-bfs/husbands do you see barging in to slay the ex-gf/wife and her new boyfriend? We put a lot of emphasis on "owning" the person you're sleeping with, and that's hard to get around. The possessiveness.

Hell, even we here at Rancho Lesbiano, the perfect polyamorists, have had our own hard moments in that department, but luckily nothing we couldn't handle. I've felt jealous of Jake and her unique abilities and attractions many times.

But when you've given your partner complete permission and encouragement to have a sexual and emotional relationship with someone in addition to yourself, it's a little easier to talk yourself down from the jealousy. This is where the fair dispensation of attention/loving becomes most important.

We have family rules that help keep everyone satisfied with how the flow of the relationship is going. There's time set aside for your primary partner, time set aside for your lover, and time set aside for the family. Frankly, we don't have much time left after all that. And everyone is responsible for letting their own feelings be known if they're feeling a little neglected or if they need a little sumpin' extra sometimes.

And our primary partners always come first. I will cancel or reschedule a date with Sara if Deb wants me to for whatever reason, and vice versa. The same goes for Jake and Sara. As one of my buddies down in the courtyard was saying yesterday, "You gotta take care of your own back yard first." In our situation, it means we have to nurture and maintain our primary relationship above all else.

Maturity in the face of emotional concerns is crucial. None of us abuses the system we've worked out. Or at least not even remotely intentionally. When it does happen, it's most likely to be a case of a pair of us (usually me and Sara) getting into some enthusiastic roll about something and running into a lack of time to do everything we want. When that happens, that pair or individual has to give something up to maintain the balance of the relationship.

I'm afraid this "Myth of Monogamy" will be a tool guys use to try to get more sexual freedom whether or not their partner agrees to the arrangement. How many of those guys would be able to handle it if their wife/girlfriend started having sexual relationships with other guys, coming home all afterglowy and beaming from great recreational sex with someone else? Hmmm?

From the description, I gather the science of "MofM" is based on all sorts of animals and comparing their behavior to the human model. All animals have multiple partners, even the ones we've always thought mated for life, they say, so humans must have the same natural tendencies. But there's the rub. Humans may have the same tendencies, but they have to be responsible for their own behavior in a way that animals do not.

If one person has difficulty maintaining the promises and agreements they've made with another person, how could you expect them to do better when you add more people to the mix?

Polyamory may be "natural," but it's not for everyone. Millions of people may be supressing a natural urge to have multiple partners, but very few could actually handle it in a real life situation in a healthy way.

And yes, I am not-so-subtly bragging about what a rare, precious, and wonderful situation I have with three remarkable people. I love my family.

Moving on - 12:11 p.m. , 2007-08-14

Where the hell have I been? - 12:10 p.m. , 2007-02-19

Holy shit! - 2:24 p.m. , 2006-01-11

Stuffing recipe - 6:17 p.m. , 2005-12-13

Good Life Update - 10:22 a.m. , 2005-11-11