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I am so looking forward to tonight's date with Sara. There were probably 20 incidences over the weekend when I wanted to grab her and kiss her hard, but couldn't.

Add to that our fucked up Sunday.

No, Sunday wasn't a bad day. It was just a day of continually changing plans. For me and Sara it was Boot Camp, and then no Boot Camp (Sara got called out). For Jake and Deb it was plant shopping, and then no plant shopping (store closed, very rainy), then Deb got a little perimenopausal/PMSy emotional, so I spent some time cuddling with her and easing her down a bit.

And then plant shopping was back on (stores open, rain stopped). So my hopes went back to Boot Camp ('cause Deb and Jake would be gardening, leaving me and Sara free to mentally masturbate over a bunch of screaming drill instructors).

Then Sara got called out AGAIN. When she got back, she was so wiped she just wanted to nap. So I spent most of my afternoon reading.

Then just before dinner, Deb agreed to let Sara and me watch the Boot Camp tape at our house while she cooked. I was excited, looking forward to it. But the tape would not play correctly in my stupid piece-of-shit VCR. It was like trying to watch porn on a scrambled channel. The audio was coming through, but there wasn't even anything recognizable on the visual. So that plan was shot for the third time in one day.

Deb did offer to keep our sex date yesterday afternoon, but I wasn't really in the mood anymore. Actually, with all the plan changing, I never got in the mood in the first place.

The following is just my opinion from my perspective. I'm making guesses about how the other girls feel and their motivations, so take it with a grain of salt. Mmmm-kay? Please stand clear while I write myself into a pit of quicksand.

I have a big reputation with the family of being ready and willing for sex at the drop of a hat. Generally it's true. But some days I just get the feeling that Deb would rather be in the garden and that she's just offering because she feels it's been awhile.

She would probably deny this. But it's the feeling I get. And it's harder for me to get up for sex when I'm not sure if it's really for me or if she's doing her wifely duty. Truly. At this phase of her life, she gets lusty after Jake on her own. She gets lusty for me when we've made time for a sex date and I've been working on arousing her for awhile.

And let's face it, since I'm this close [Badsnake holds up thumb and index finger very close together] to being a stone butch, and no one's trying to physically get me aroused during sex, 95 percent of my thrill comes from my sex partner's response.

And Sara's prowess in the sex department makes Deb feel insufficient sometimes.

So let's review. Deb starts out without a lot of confidence, which makes me feel like she's really not interested, so I'm not feeling a lot of want or desire coming my way, thus making it hard for me to "get it up." Get it?

Okeley-dokeley, perverinos. That's about as honest and vulnerable as I want to get today. Sunday was just one of those weird days when satisfying the wants of four distinctly independent women is even harder than it sounds.

I'm looking forward to my date tonight. I'm cutting Julian loose again (it's been two or three weeks since he's seen any action). He should be pretty hungry by now.