I'm up at 6:15 because there was a chance Jake would go to work early this morning, and I could go over and visit. No dice. No lights on next door.

So...

Sara's home! Yay!

But I haven't gotten to kiss her yet. *sigh* I missed my shot.

I was out in their back yard yesterday afternoon with the dog, and talking to Sara for the first time since she got home (through the window). Jake yelled to Sara, suggesting she go out and get some hugs and kisses. I was getting ready to go back to our house and thinking, "Ahh stay cool, you can wait."

But I wasn't thinking. Sara and I don't give each other more than a peck kiss if Jake and Deb are in the same house nowadays.

Long story short: When we first moved next door to the girls, when the family would all get together, Sara and I were pretty bad about FTDA (Family Time Display of Affection).

We would cuddle and kiss, she'd snuggle her back up to my chest on the couch or wherever and I'd pinch her nipple while we watched TV. She'd egg me on. We'd sneak passionate kisses in other rooms of the house where we couldn't be seen, but often we'd get caught. And they would always know what we were up to (sometimes even when we weren't).

In our eyes, we were playing and showing normal (for us) affection; it wasn't any different than Deb giving Jake shoulder massages during FT. In Deb and Jakes eyes, it got to be too much. They didn't complain in the beginning, but they got tired of it fast. Restrictions ensued. We tried to get lines drawn for us so that we knew exactly what boundary we were not supposed to step over. Exact boundaries were a bit undefinable, but we heard about it if we'd crossed one.

So, metaphorically, Sara and I took a step back away from each other during FT. And then another, and another. Peck kisses. And we don't sit together much anymore. Sometimes, at their house, I'll get to lay my head on her lap, or she'll sit on the floor in front of me when I'm on the couch, and I'll play with her hair.

If we're all over here at our house, Sara and I sit on opposite sides of the room. She goes for the one chair that's not infested with cat hair, and I go for the couch. It's not very comfortable to try to sit on the floor or the ottoman of the hair-free chair, but on occasion I'll do that just to be a little closer to her.

I hug her when she comes in and before she leaves. I run my hand across her shoulders when I pass behind her at the dinner table. Sometimes she wraps her arms around me from behind when I'm washing dishes. And kisses are little pecks.

I'm not really bitching about the Family Time house rules. Welcome to the complexity of polyamory, ya know? I've had my period of bitterness about Deb getting to rub Jake for hours and make her sigh and groan during FT, and my not being allowed to do the same thing to Sara in my own way. And believe me, I was bitter.

But the FT house rules are to ensure everyone's comfort level, not about fairness or equality or whether I get to have a little lust rush before dinner. We've hammered and finessed them out over time.

I'm just saying I was an idiot not to ask Sara to come out in the back yard and kiss me yesterday. But now that I think about it, I had been smoking a cigarette (yet another way in which I'm a less than brilliant), so she wouldn't have kissed me good anyway.

There's a chance I might get a moment alone with Sara before Jake gets home from work today, but I've got a 5:45 chiropractor appt., S. leaves for work at about 6:35-40, and Deb will be home, so I'm not holding my breath.

Not saying I won't try, though. *grin*

"Honeeeeey! I need to go borrow some bubble wrap from next door! Be back in a minute!" *slam*

Moving on - 12:11 p.m. , 2007-08-14

Where the hell have I been? - 12:10 p.m. , 2007-02-19

Holy shit! - 2:24 p.m. , 2006-01-11

Stuffing recipe - 6:17 p.m. , 2005-12-13

Good Life Update - 10:22 a.m. , 2005-11-11