When I opened my eyes, I held the other woman in my arms. She said, "You can close your eyes again, but it's still gonna be me." I found that kind of odd and read it like she was being self-deprecating, or she really didn't think I liked her as much as the other woman. But I wasn't disappointed by the switch, just surprised. I didn't know how they'd done it.

Deb might, might, might get to have a date with Jake this afternoon instead of me. I hope she gets it. She doesn't get nearly as many dates as I do (she doesn't want as many as I do either). But she gets to have an entirely different kind of sex with Jake than with me, and variety is good.

It's odd how sex has changed between Deb and me, and Deb and Jake. I used to be toppish with Deb, but now she'd usually rather do vanilla stuff with me and have Jake top her. I used to top Jake, but now we don't have sex together at all. And Deb and Jake used to do fairly vanilla stuff together.

When D. and I do anything S&M-y now, it's not that it's less intense than it used to be, but more that I don't know what, if anything, to say during the scene.

Deb has never been one to talk during sex. She's afraid that she'll sound like vapid porn vid monologue. Which is a valid concern, but you know, when you're in the middle of things, you really don't care. I have to rely on body clues and whatever groans, purrs, and whimpers for direction.

She doesn't like for me to verbally top her through a scene anymore. And she doesn't like to be called sexy or hot, so dirty sweet nothings are kinda out. She does all her bottoming in her head, and I just lead her through the physical sensations, following cues and saying just enough for her to let me know if what I'm planning next is okay. There's a sort of quiet communion to our scenes.

I ask not to hear the details of what she does with Jake (to avoid feelings of jealousy or trying to be more like Jake in bed), just if she had a good time or not. So I don't really know what they do together, but I know it's a very different experience for her.

So I hope she gets a date today, and maybe I'll get one with Sara tomorrow night.

Sara has signed up to do a long-ass walk thingy (let's call it LAWT), so she'll be fundraising and training for the next few months. It sounds great. A momentous life experience kind of thing. I told her to take me with her if she went out walking during times that I'm home. I've completely abandoned my daily exercise this winter, and I need to get back into it.

When I'm walking a couple miles every day, I feel much better about myself, more energetic and sexier. When I walk with Sara, it gives us a chance to catch up on what's going on in our lives and talk about books and the gory parts of her job and stuff. We don't waste much date time on that kind of thing. And because Sara and I are interested in different topics of conversation than Jake and Deb, we don't talk about that kind of stuff during family time much either. Plus, I get to give Sara a really good kiss after a walk.

I've got three books going now. "Waking the Moon" by Elizabeth Hand, "A Kiss of Shadows" by Laurell K. Hamilton, and "Girls On Film" by the girlsonfilm.com gals.

"Waking the Moon" is a bit dense, but I was enjoying it, so I'll finish it after I get through the Hamilton book. I've read all but one of Hamilton's old novels, so I couldn't wait to start it when Sara loaned it to me (library check-out). I've read most of "Girls On Film," so I can just scan through the rest of it at this point.

Went bed frame shopping by myself yesterday while Deb was at work. I think we'll find something we like at a decent price, but if we want something old and cool, we may have to settle for full size instead of queen. That would be a sleeping adjustment. Deb and I are used to spreading out.

Wish us luck.