I had a LOT of sex.

I saw my first pro soccer match.

I was ]this[ close to Briana Scurry.

I ate several meals that were really not good for me, fried meat patties, fried potatoes, fried tortilla chips, fried bacon, fried sausage, fried balls of pork fat, and the like.

I had more sex.

I made ummy noises and ripped tremendous farts in my sleep. (I might do this on a regular basis, but Deb's never said anything. Though, I rip tremendous farts in front of her when I'm conscious, so why would she bother to mention it.)

I mowed the entire rancho lawn.

I did my yearly "piss off the frogs" routine and cleaned out the pond.

I vacuumed a little.

I drank margaritas.

I watched Spanish porn with Eurotrash actors. ("Ah can smehllll your POO-say.")

I didn't walk the dog much.

I welcomed my honey home and thanked Jake for showing her a good time.

What the fuck? It's like somebody's making website addresses out of Google search words and then doing these stupid Guestbook spams. I can't even really figure out why. The amateur-and-porn site is commercial, but the dog ones aren't.

So here's what I have to say to my hyphenated, automated admirere: "Annoying spam signings! Fuck off!"