I can appreciate some crap. Believe me. Some crap has immense sentimental or humorous value. But I couldn't even find any of that crap. Either that, or it's just not appealing to me the same way it used to. As a result, I have not done very well in the category of present buying for my loved ones this year. I know, I know, my constant love and giving spirit is a treasure in itself. Yeah, whatever. Every year I can usually find at least one cool thing for each of the girls that I'm excited about giving them. I know that when they open that thing up, their eyes are going to light up, or they're going to hoot with laughter, or they're going to gasp in appreciation. This year it's going to be crap-diddley-ap with a bow on it. Actually, there probably won't even be a bow. I don't do bows. I know you're all shocked.

So now I feel kind of guilty, having invested a large chunk of change on something I really really wanted, this PowerBook, and I can hardly find anything that I think will be meaningful for the rest of my family. Hell, I've only got three people to buy for. You'd think it would be easy. Shit. Four people. I forgot Deb's mom. Now I have to go out to a store again. I was hoping I wouldn't have to do that.

You know the girls are going to read this and think, "Damn. Now we're going to have to open this stuff up and pretend it's not crappy." Well, maybe it's not as bad as all that. At least their expectations are really low now, and they can't possibly be disappointed. Mission accomplished.

I have to tell you about what Deb and I saw out shopping last weekend. It was this guy, a mullet-type guy, dressed in an outfit that might look cute on a four-year-old boy, but on a grown man it was just pathetic. It was a hat, tank top, and shorts, all made with American flag patterns. The hat, the tank top, AND the shorts. It was a walking, mouth-breathing, desecration of the flag. The poster boy for Wal-Mart patriotism. Ew. I didn't see anyone nearly as icky today.

After Deb left for work, Jake and I went to a store called Simpler Tymes. They go to auctions and estate sales and buy all the furniture and sell it to antique store owners, except for one weekend a month when they're open to the public.

Jake was looking for her own stuff, but I was shopping for an armoire for the utility room. Deb and I decided that it would be cooler to get one of the sort of junked-out armoires from Simpler Tymes and use it to store our utility room stuff than to put all the plastic free-standing shelving units back up. I found one. Eighty-nine bucks. It's not even that trashed. Just a couple scratches across the front. It's got shelves up one side and enough room for Deb to hang up shirts when she's getting the laundry out of the dryer on the other side. There's room for us to sit a shelf on the bottom of that space for more storage, but I want to see what Deb would prefer before I get something. All I saw when I was shopping today was mostly expensive crap.

And do you want to know what the most horrible piece of crap I saw today was? Hmmm? Do ya? A Christmas ornament ball with Janis Joplin on it. I think both Janis and Jesus would roll over in their graves. Or, I guess Jesus wouldn't since he rose from his. But you know what I mean.

I almost bought the one with Michael Bolton on it to give to Jake and Sara, or maybe Ricky and Lucy, as a joke. But I couldn't bring myself to do it.