You see, I have a thing for women who are smart and funny. Add Whoopi Goldberg to the list and you've got my top three celebrity picks of women I'd like to give a memorable weekend of Badsnake lovin'.

I think I really fell in love with Emma when I read the book that came out in conjunction with "Sense and Sensibility." It's the screenplay, written by ET, and her journal of how she came to write it and her experiences during the filming. That's the best part. Did you know she started out in comedy? She's really been underutilized in that genre. And she would be my ideal love slave.

Ahh. Who am I kidding? Truthfully, the idea of love slaves doesn't really appeal to me. Where's the fun in having someone obey your every command? Zzzzzzz. You might as well get a Real Doll.

The problem with master/slave relationships for me (and I'm being completely serious here and not making this up � some people do live like this) is that it's way too much work. You punish a slave for doing something you didn't tell them to do, and suddenly you've got to give orders about everything. I don't want to spend my energy thinking up busywork for slaves. And I certainly don't want to be in control all the time. Not for me. Nope.

I've been on polyamory listserves where guys have, like, two or three female slaves who really don't have much of a life of their own other than to serve and please him. The slave gets dissatisfied when she doesn't get enough attention. The master has to deal with the drama and jealousy between slaves.

Did I tell you about the new all-glass wing we're having built onto the house?

Polyamory is hard.

So close, and yet so far. But I think I finally have something worthy of OddGoogle.

My recent Google hits have been:

g-spot spurt [8th on that search]
effervescent cold relief
her bottoming for her [20th]
snake drawings
gagged school uniform [What the hell kind of search is that? Don't they know you have to add "girl"?! 41st, just above Japanese school girl sex pics]

and the best of all, but still not a Bingo hit:

cute women armpits.

What ... the fuck?

Are they looking for the armpits of cute women, or cute armpits that happen to be on women? I'm 19 on that list of suggested sites, BTW.

No Xs on my Google Bingo card yet. But here's an endorsement if you thought I was just kidding about all the cool people being into it:

"Yes! Google Bingo Rules!" �Anenigma

I've also been getting hits from somebody at Salon. Or do they provide e-mail accounts to the proles?

I rented "Girl, Interrupted" (My sister dubbed it "Sleep, Interrupted" after she tried to watch it. She's narcoleptic anyway, so I'm going to give it a shot.) and "Bring It On." I love my double-features.

So it's time to get to the movie watchin' and dinner fixin'. Speaking of ... I'm making something for my dinner that grosses Sara out everytime I mention it, so tonight, when she asked me what I was making, I explained that it was the thing that grosses her out, so I wouldn't tell her. It's killing her that I won't tell her and she can't remember.

I'm going to take pictures to share with the whole group. She'll remember when she reads about it tomorrow.