Bad things about my trip home for Thanksgiving: I had to help cut my grandmother's toenails. One of my sisters and her girlfriend held her down while I did the clipping as my grandmother screamed and tried to jerk her leg away from me. I was shaking by the time I was finished. We soaked her feet in warm water before we did the clipping so the nails would be softer. She started screaming when I started drying off her foot. I don't know why you can't authorize your family to kill you in some humane way if you ever get that out of it. My grandmother has zero quality of life, but she could easily live past 100. I only got two pieces of Deb's sweet potato pie before Angel retrieved the pie dish from a counter while we were visiting next door one night and ate the the remaining half pie.

Deb and I took a walk on Sunday and we saw 35 (my count) hawks circling together on a thermal. An amazing sight until we lost them in the sun.

Went to our financial planning meeting yesterday. Deb and I ate lunch at Cha Gio Vietnamese restaurant in Midtown and then walked to the planners. The owner saw me examining the photo of the original Cha Gio Chinese Grocery on the wall and came over to point out things like how many skyscrapers have sprouted in the skyline of the photo since his grocery was torn down. Lunch was great.

Walking down Juniper in the cold next to my wife, I looked over at Deb, and was just amazed by how beautiful she is. The laugh lines on her face just make my heart melt. I'm damn lucky to have her by my side.

Unfortunately, she hates thinking about money issues, so she was pretty tense when the meeting began, even though Eddy and I kept reassuring her that we weren't going to do anything difficult. She felt much better by the end of the meeting after she'd asked if by "protection" he meant condoms, and whether the contract binding him to me included a collar.

I'm thinking I'm going to buy Quicken for Mac and set up our household budget in that. I lose way too much money through the ATM machine and $10 lunches.

Oh, and my goal is to let Deb retire by the time she's 55 and let her be a housewife.

I've been fortunate enough to have some amazing time with Sara since I got back. We had a great date on Monday, playing with Joe and Sara, that culminated with fabulous butt sex. I think we used 3 or 4 condoms. And we even got to nap for about 30 minutes after. I ended up falling asleep first and, apparently, did some log sawing.

I also got some great make-out time that turned into actual fucking on Tuesday night. Deb and Jake stayed at our house watching "Notorious C.H.O." while Sara and I watched the Buffy rerun at their house. After Buffy, we adjourned to the bedroom where Julian played with Eleanor like she was a toy. We were fortunate and did not mess up the bed. I say "we," but it's all Sara's willpower that deserves the credit.

I respectfully request that my family and Anat do not read the following. It concerns Christmas presents.

What I want for Christmas: For Deb and Sara to stop trying to be Anat. I know everyone wants Jake's adoration and undivided attention, but do you have to get all trendy fashion diva? Anat's style is fine on Anat, but it's not you. And I want Deb to never feel cast aside like last year's toy again.

What Deb wants for Christmas: For me to take over her finances and do it all for her. I think I may give it to her. I don't like dealing with money stuff any more than anyone else, but it stresses the hell out of her, and she could use a little less stress. She also wants Jake to treat her the way she used to before she started seeing Anat.

What Sara wants for Christmas: For her brother-in-law to get well. He's in the hospital with some scary symptoms that may be Guillian-Barr� Syndrome. I wish I could give that to her. She also needs a better job that holds her interest and pays decent wages.

What Jake needs for Christmas: A lump of coal, three more days per week, a heaping helping of sensitivity, and to realize it's not all Deb's problem. And I want to give Jake an understanding of why all this shit has upset Deb so badly and what to do to make it better instead of worse. I get it. I don't know why Jake can't seem to get it.

What I'd like to get Anat for Christmas: Several new girlfriends to take up lots and lots of her free time.

I'm afraid it's going to be another emotionally sucky Christmas. If I recall correctly, we had a pretty emotionally sucky Christmas just after I started this diary two years ago. Polyamory is hard sometimes.

P.S. If you want to comment on this last part, please send it to me in private e-mail instead of writing it in the Comments or Guestbook section.