*****

I've got a date with Sara lined up for tonight. Woo-hoooo. I'm feeling a little fangy and grrr, so I hope she's up to dealing with one of my vamp characters, Vincent or Julian. (I really need to get these guys into my Glossary/Cast of Characters entry so you can read into their personalities.)

Last night I was having trouble falling asleep, so I whipped out the vibrator and came up with a rape scenario that I'll have to tell Sara about. This is kind of unusual because I don't often think about Sara when I'm masturbating. I usually put myself into the head of a man fucking another man to wank off to. Maybe more on that later.

In this fantasy, I put Sara in her Catholic school girl uniform, and I cast myself as a stalker who'd been standing outside her window, watching as she got home from school, slipped under the covers of her bed with clothes still on and masturbated.

**** LISTSERVE PEOPLE STOP READING HERE. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. I'd put this in color and make it blink if I knew how. Seriously, I'm starting to censor what I'm willing to set down because I know there are people reading this who know Sara and who I'll probably meet one day. I need the next part to go out in complete anonymity. *****

Okay. Back to the fantasy and its ramifications.

When I'm not roleplaying one of my regular characters, I'll often be acting a pretty evil character. Sara can completely sink into being the object of cruelty, pain, humiliation. I'm not as good at dishing out the humiliation part, but I'd have to say I'm fairly skilled with the cruelty and pain. I can set myself into the character's headspace and be someone I'd never be in real life.

Here's where it's tricky, though. We ad-lib what we say to each other, so I have to be ensconced in the head space firmly enough so that my initial reaction to her fighting and protesting isn't, "I'm sorry. Are you okay?" but something more along the lines of, "Shut up, bitch. Do you really want your parents to come in and find you like this?" (Though I think this particular scene character would not be so arrogant as to do this while her parents were home, but you get the picture.)

All the while, I have to keep a link to the reality world to make sure I don't actually hurt Sara. She can fight pretty hard, and I have to be aware of what and where I'm grabbing or restraining her. Can't make any bruises in places that will show. Have to make sure I don't grab her hand with a finger in a bad position that might cause a sprain. That kind of thing.

It's not that hard to do, but it creates an interesting chemical mix in my brain. Bad guy response filtered through lightning-fast good Badsnake control system.

The other element that makes it interesting is that I love kissing Sara. She kisses great. And I generally want her character to end up cooperating with mine. So my bad guys seem to always retain some element that will serve me to this end. I become the seducer.

Once I've get her character under some control, I'll start talking to her, soothing her out, making her pay attention to her body's response. This is my favorite part. Sometimes Sara isn't cooperative at all in this portion of the scene. That's okay, too. It makes it more of a challenge.

Have I mentioned, emphasized, underlined, that we're talking about consensual scene play here? We are. Safe. Sane. Consensual. We both know each other's limits. We both have a safe word that we can say to stop the scene. Got it?

So I've got to find the right words that my character would actually say, and that her character would actually listen to, to get to wherever I want to go. Sure, we bend the lines of believability here on occasion. But it wouldn't be any fun if you never broke the rules, would it?

I know I promised to tell the rest of the fantasy, but Sara reads this, and if she likes the premise well-enough, we might play it out tonight. If we do, I don't want her to know how it ends.

And if any of those listserve folks I told to stop reading are frustrated about me not delivering, it serves you right for reading past the RED line.

Moving on - 12:11 p.m. , 2007-08-14

Where the hell have I been? - 12:10 p.m. , 2007-02-19

Holy shit! - 2:24 p.m. , 2006-01-11

Stuffing recipe - 6:17 p.m. , 2005-12-13

Good Life Update - 10:22 a.m. , 2005-11-11